Truth be told, I messed up my intestinal flora. I know it happens. But it really doesn’t “happen.” I caused a series of events that allowed dysbiosis “to happen.” This series of events knocked out my good intestinal flora. But since this blog post is a recipe, I’ll spare you the details.

Here’s the keyword version of it: eating homegrown greens and veggies for five months > Yogidetox > juicing > enemas > eating fermented foods > travel/hotels > relocate to Mexican condo > stop eating fermented foods > get Candida growth in ears (a.k.a. Swimmer’s Ear) > Candida quickly goes systemic > yeast infection! (seriously!) > thrush in throat > Swimmer’s Ear turns nasty–mushroom-like clouds growing in head > concoct Boutique, Hand-Crafted, Designer Fermented Foods > eat them with every meal > put sauerkraut juice in ears > cure

If you aren’t already making your own fermented vegetables, I have two words for you: Carpe diem. Our guts are up against the battle of the dumbed-down diet. I’m not saying you don’t eat well. You eat like a champ. You’re amazing. But if you’re missing this part of the archetypical, ancestral, old-school human diet, you will eventually sink your ship as I did mine. Stress kills good gut bacteria. Processed foods kill good gut bacteria. Alcohol, coffee, sugar, you name it. Even the nutritionista angels among us will take their good gut bacteria to the cleaners given a stressful week of travel or trauma.

Boutique, Hand-Crafted, Designer Fermented Foods

Here’s the deal: Making your own is the smartest way to go. Let these five reasons convince you:

1. It’s fun.
2. It has an “arts and crafts” aesthetic.
3. It doesn’t require much hands-on time.
4. It’s a science experiment the whole family can participate in.
5. You learn to figure out exactly what is the best medicine for yourself at a given time.

Your Kitchen: Where Food Meets Medicine

Here’s the other deal: The smarter you are in your kitchen, the less money and time you’ll spend on your health. If you can figure out what the qualities of foods are, and figure out how they concoct under the mythic spell of the gods-of-fermentation, I predict you will live a long and healthy life.

In my situation, when I went from feeling phenomenally fabulous to utterly aghast at my own stupidity and flushed of my good-guy gut bacteria, I suddenly woke up and knew what I needed. Thanks to years of making small-batch ferments, I had a clue. Luckily my fridge was stocked.

I removed a batch of “just cabbage” sauerkraut that had been pushed to the back territory of our 20 cubic-foot fridge. I found this gorgeous bowl from my friends at the Teton Arts Council. And with this trusty duo as a foundation, I created a new healing concoction.

Super Yellow Carrot, Ginger, and Turmeric Kraut

I combined:

• 1 cup of “just cabbage” sauerkraut (If you don’t have a starter kraut, grate some fresh cabbage)
• 1 massive carrot, grated
• 2 inches of ginger root, grated, and its juice
• 2 turmeric fingers, grated
• 2 garlic cloves, grated
• Skin zest of 1 kaffir lime

This recipe is not a recipe to replicate at all. This recipe is a thought process. I wanted to quickly kill the bad guy yeasties that had infested my system, and I wanted to quintuple the good-guy reserves in a flash. I grabbed what I had.

Now here is the philosophy. Listen closely.

You always want to have some “just cabbage” sauerkraut at the back or front of your fridge. Ferments are smart communities. They quickly assimilate the new members.

Ferments Are Smart Communities

One of the tribal concepts I’ve learned womaning the helm at Yogahealer and Yoga Health Coaching is the trick of having seasoned members “on-board” new members. The new members learn about 50x faster. Seriously. I won’t even teach, guide, or mentor a course where there isn’t a solid posse of seasoned or acculturated members. Why would I want to disadvantage the newbies? Why would I deliberately slow down the group’s evolution and put blockages or barriers in the way? No, thank you. Been there. Done that.

Same with kraut experiments. Let the established cultures culture the newbies into the next culture. Ask any sourdough baker about the wisdom and efficiency of this practice.

After mixing together the ingredients, I punched down the veggie mix to the bottom of the jar. Then I added as much extra “cabbage juice” as the old sauerkraut could spare and still keep itself covered. With fermented foods, air is the bad guy. Everything needs to be submerged or salted, away from light and air. I poured a little very salty water (I chose pink salt) to give myself extra liquid for the next bath. I stored the jar in the dark corner of the kitchen counter, covered by a plastic bag to deter the Mexican fruit flies.

My Super Yellow Carrot, Ginger, and Turmeric Sauerkraut was ready the next morning. I started having it at every meal for a few days. I mixed it with raw sesame seeds for fun. What I like about this kraut is its ability to diminish demons while generating angels. What a tool to have in the gut kit!

Did You Catch the Seven Lessons in this post?

We learned a few, key lessons in this blog post. I’ll recap:

1. Always eat fermented, home-made veggies after a series of enemas.
2. Always look back when you cause yourself harm to figure out the beautiful and horrendous actions of cause and effect. You’ll get smarter and be able to help others avert disaster.
3. Make your own fermented foods.
4. Always keep “just cabbage” sauerkraut in your fridge to make other designer krauts fast. (Marry the old with the new!)
5. Use what you’ve got.
6. If you have Candida, eat kraut three times a day.
7. If you have infections, add turmeric, ginger and garlic to your kraut.